Today is The Day

As you may know by now, especially if you read my previous blog post ("Finding Hope in God’s Faithfulness") or if you follow along on social media, I've been taking a small break to take care of myself as I face some family problems. Every day I keep telling myself that I'll share with you a bit more when I'm ready and more emotionally stable.

Today, I listened to Annie F. Downs' podcast episode with Tim Tebow about his new book, "This is the Day." Hearing Tim talk about his book, I felt convicted and challenged to stop putting my life on hold until everything feels perfect or until I feel put together to do what God places on my heart. I have missed plenty of opportunities and passions throughout my life simply because I didn’t act on them, and that fire I used to have faded and I simply moved on.

I started Nat in Love as a place to share what I love - from style, motherhood, technology, and my faith. While I love creating curated content for my social media feed, my main goal is to transparently share with you my life’s exciting and tough times, and how God shows up through it all! I don’t want to repeat my "putting things off" move, so Today is the Day that I let you in on my current struggle and how God is sustaining me through this heart wrenching time.

My family (parents, sister, and myself) has such a dysfunctional history. The last wave of issues started almost two months ago, which I referenced on "Finding Hope in God’s Faithfulness." Just recently, though, I learned even more dark secrets that have rocked my world. Since it involves other people I won’t share details just yet, but imagine all sorts of betrayal, trauma, abuse, broken relationships, and heartbreak. I've been cycling through the different stages of grief like you wouldn’t believe. Just when I feel like I've finally gotten to acceptance and I can move on, something new arises, and I'm back into a loop of sadness and anger.

Right now I'm angry. I am tired of feeling manipulated and hurt, over and over. To be completely honest, being angry makes it easier. I just got out of a couple of days of pure sadness, and it was hard just getting through the day. So while I know I can’t stay in anger too long or I may harbor hatred that I can’t shake off, which is a sin, it’s given me the strength and boldness to take some necessary yet tough decisions. So that’s where I am today. I am doing my best to keep my head above water, and doing what I can to look out for my well-being. It’s rough, it’s messy, and it’s still not over.

Hopefully now you have a bigger picture of what I’ve been going through - emotionally. While I could wrap it up here just as a life update, and maybe some of you can relate to my pain, I don’t want to end it just yet. You see, during this awful emotional rollercoaster, where the end doesn’t seem near just yet, God has been with me along the entire ride. I reminded my sister last night of this verse that I’ve hold on to with my dear life since I was 15, when the first wave of chaos (that I was aware of!) hit my family:

Even if my father and mother abandoned me, the Lord would take me in.

Psalms 27:10

Even when our parents/loved ones fail or betray us, the only thing that can give us hope and rest is knowing that God will always sustain us; He is the only one that will never leave or forsake us. Knowing this gives me hope yet again during this time of pain and confusion! I have seen God’s care in so many ways: love and support from friends and family, wisdom and courage to make the right choices, joy and peace when I see sadness all around me, and clarity as to why my upbringing has always felt inexplicably dark. While it doesn’t make the pain or the circumstances disappear, feeling God’s closeness and confirmation during this time has made all the difference to push me forward!

So as I share with you my heartache today, here’s my takeaway for you:

1) Know That You’re Not Alone - If you’re going through some hardships in your life - family-related or not - know that you’re not alone in your struggle. Pain is pain, no matter what type of pain it is. Also know that even in the darkest days, there is hope. It may not always look the way or in the timing that we want, but God does not leave those who love him abandoned. Just like Psalms 27:10 says, especially in the Spanish version that says "with everything" God will take us in! Take hope in that promise!

2) Start Today - Just like I’ve been feeling like I needed to share about this experience, and I kept putting it off to protect myself, I want to ask you the same question: What have you been wanting/needing to do that you keep putting off? Do you feel called to do something and you’ve been to scared/busy to do it? Today is the day - take one step, no matter how tiny or big it may be. Don’t delay it or you may miss the opportunity to do it at all!